Anger is Your Friend

I know, I am not supposed to make a statement like that. I realize many of you are convinced that anger is a bad emotion that must be kept under wraps at all costs.  I am sure there are some of you who have been told that it is not acceptable as a woman to express anger and that it is better to just stuff it rather than speak it out loud.  I have been told that anger is not ladylike or that I can be “bitchy” when I stand up for myself—assertively of course. There have also been times in my life where others attempted to shame me for my willingness to say the things others would not dare say even if they were secretly thinking it.  We all seem to have strong opinions about expressing anger, but the one thing that seems to be overlooked about anger is the announcement that it is making when it shows up in your life: your boundaries have been violated.

Anger is not the enemy that should be suppressed when it arrives on the scene. Use it to help you figure out a few things about your self like your deal-breakers as well as your real thoughts and feelings about a person or situation. Anger is your friend because it will help you to understand who you are and what you are about at your core. It cuts right through the social mask we all put on to be liked and accepted by others to expose you to your real inner truth. Anger gives you the opportunity to assess whether you have placed unreasonable expectations on yourself or others.  Consider this, if we were not meant to feel anger then the creator would not have endowed us with the ability to get angry in the first place.

Of course anger that is not expressed in a constructive way (no hitting others or name-calling please!) and is instead repressed, will cause unnecessary stress in the body like high blood pressure (the saying, “that just makes my blood boil” is true).  Anger without out an outlet starts to simmer, then boil until one day it is triggered by the most trivial comment or behavior into a full out explosion. So what is a woman to do when she is angry?

  1. Admit to yourself you are angry and give yourself permission to feel your feelings.
  2. Dig deep; keep asking yourself why you are angry until you can’t go any deeper.
  3. Give yourself time to process and understand your anger by running or engaging in some other type of strenuous exercise (burn off steam).
  4. Have the difficult conversation needed to be clear about your boundaries with others.
  5. Apply what you have learned about yourself by making different choices going forward.

Despite what you have heard, anger is your friend because it helps you to see clearly what is most important to you. It shows up in your life because it is trying to tell you that something is wrong. It is a warning, so heed it.



My Home. Myself.

What state of mind are you in? Take a look around; is it working for you? Do you possess such a thorough understanding of yourself that you are able to effortlessly improve the quality of your life by eliminating bad habits, relationships or any situation that is not contributing to your highest good?  I didn’t think so. We are all traveling along the road to self-mastery and looking to improve by understanding all that we truly are. It is a process to understand ourselves at a deep level, but I have found one way to get a grasp on this is by observing my state of mind in action. And what better way is there to do this than by taking a personal inventory of your home. After all, your home tells the story of your beliefs.

I have heard psychologists and life-coaches talk about everything in your external environment being a reflection of what is going inside of you. So, when it comes to your home, have you paused long enough to observe your thoughts in action?  Is the story that is on display in your home in alignment with where you want to go and the life you aspire to live? Or, are you surrounded by an outdated version of your life that does not reflect your current desires or beliefs? I had some interesting revelations when I started to pay attention to the things in my home. I will share a couple of my experiences with you now.

I recently walked through my house and discovered I had photos on display of people I no longer have good relationships with. A particular photo was from a vacation that I took with a person who had done some pretty hurtful things on that trip. The funny thing is, I was actually having a difficult time setting boundaries with this person. I was trying to figure out a way to have this person in my life but at a safe enough distance that they could no longer wreck havoc in my life. I guess my compromise was to hang photos of this person in my house to remind me of the many bad times we shared together, so I could continue to feel bad about staying in the relationship. I immediately took the photos down. I am interested in good vibes only, especially in my home.

I also realized a piece of artwork that had been hanging in my dining room for a few years made me feel sad and depressed when looking at it. It was a painting that showed couples walking down a street on a rainy day carrying umbrellas, but there was one woman walking alone and following behind everyone else. I clearly identified with this woman walking alone three years ago, but it seemed inappropriate now. I asked myself: how has this scenario played out in my life? And I finally admitted to myself that there were many things that I was just going along with in my life that I was not truly happy about it. Then I dug deeper: did I pick out this painting because it represented the sadness and sense of drudgery I was feeling in my life at that time? Did I believe that someone else would lead me to where I wanted to go? I know that’s deep, but on some level I was drawn to the painting because it did reflect what was going on inside of me at the time I purchased it.

In its place, I hung a painting of a woman gazing out a large window overlooking a city skyline at night. I was instinctively drawn to it a few months ago and now I understand why. It accurately reflects where I find myself at this time in my life. I am at a crossroads and I’ve been contemplating what my next move will be. I have been exploring new options and there are still many unknowns at this time. It seems that the concept rings true: the objects in my home do or did reflect what was going on inside of me.

Now it is your turn to do a little detective work around your house. Take a walk around and consider the following questions:

  1. Is your home cluttered and disorganized? What kind of thoughts or behaviors are you engaging in that clutter your mind?
  2. Do you appreciate and value yourself? Look around at the things in your home. Are they well cared for? Are you wearing things that make you feel and look your best?
  3. Have you intentionally selected the things in your home with care or do you have a bunch of things that you don’t really care for taking up space in your home? In what other ways do you allow things, people or situations to take up space in your life that you don’t really care for?
  4. Have you incorporated objects into your current environment that reflect the life you aspire to live?
  5. What are the pieces of artwork and/or photos hanging on your walls telling you about yourself? About your relationships with others?
  6. Are there old, broken, and outdated objects in your home? In what ways is your thinking old, broken and outdated?

Now that you have reviewed the above questions, start affirming the vision you have for your life by creating a space that is in alignment with your new beliefs and dreams. Changing your current environment to reflect who you want to be can be as simple as throwing out all your ratty and tattered clothing, or getting rid of clothes that do not make you feel your best. It can be disposing of all those photos you have hanging up that remind you of bad experiences or broken relationships. Maybe you will decide to display uplifting quotes and only photos that make you feel joyful and excited. You could affirm your new life by literally bringing in new life in the form of a houseplant or fresh-cut flowers. You may decide to paint a room a bright color such as orange or yellow to create an uplifting mood.

The point is this: If you are considering making some positive changes in your life like starting a new career or ending a toxic relationship, help facilitate the process by creating a physical change in your home environment. Prepare yourself to receive your desires by creating an environment that is in alignment with your aspirations and get rid of all of the things that do not reflect the person you want to be. If you change the things in your home, you change the story and you will change your life.